03/02/21

i'm thinking about blaaahhhhhhh

i’m exhausted 

i’m thinking about my to do list and how it is loooooooonnnnnnnggg and i’m tired and i don't know how i will manage even longer days than this.

i'm thinking about orange juice and beef stroganoff and doing special things for people and how that is hard and costs money and i just want to be extravagant and not think about my savings account because that is not extravagant

i'm thinking about extra

extra effort

extra energy

extra dairy

where is the extra cheese?

where is the extra energy?

i want it

i’m thinking about zoloft 

i’m thinking about my posture 

i’m thinking about all of it going on forever

i’m thinking about how i really tenderly talked about my dad in class earlier and i should call him and i should tell him i’ve been billing the insurance without telling him and i should go see him i should go i should i should i should go go go go home i should really be going home now, it’s time to go home, let’s go home good night

03/09/21

i'm thinking about how much energy i have right now 

i'm thinking about how weird that is considering it took me a long time to go to sleep last night

i'm thinking about all the plans i have coming up

i'm thinking about facilitating my glow up

i'm thinking about dance

i'm thinking about little kid dance

i'm thinking about how i really like salty, savory foods

i'm thinking about how i love food too much 

i'm thinking about how im feeling a little stressed because i have a lot to do in the next few days

i'm thinking about how i really want to deep clean right now

i'm thinking about my habits and how i want to develop new habits

i'm thinking about the book i started that i reference quite often and still haven’t finished

im thinking about how i can’t want to just relax

i'm thinking about my grandma’s cooking

i'm thinking about my favorite memories at memaw’s house 

i'm thinking about how i can’t remember the last time i was at memaw’s house

i'm thinking about how i love my grandmother to pieces even though i'm definitely not her favorite and it shows

i'm thinking about how i have a habit of cherishing the people who don’t cherish me as much 

i'm thinking about how i need to check in on some people 

i'm thinking about how i'm thinking about a lot right now

i'm thinking about quality time + thoughtful gestures

i'm thinking about what caffeine does to me

i'm thinking about whether or not that is a good or bad thing

03/30/21

agnes is being really funny

i love trapping her in my room during this rehearsal

she’s a part of this thesis so she will attend every rehearsal from now on

i've been really worried and sad today

worry worry worry

i like the sound of worry

i do not like the feeling of worry

what if?

well, i don't know

t'm scared

thats normal

pounce ready to pounce

levi little levi you're the apple of my eye levi

is being queer a trend right now

i love girls but it would be hell of a lot easier if i was straight

they them they them they them

that's me

why is that me

why do i not feel right sometimes

what do i need to wear to feel just right?

oh my god

i have to wear the right clothes to feel how i need to feel

that's why my outfits are so important oh my god

this was a question that i was thinking about on the first day of this rehearsal

agnes just ate some glue

why does she eat plastic? is she anxious sometimes?

i gave her a hair tie instead

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